Before I begin, I'd like to start off with a huge caveat that I am in no way implying that I had a traumatic and depressing childhood growing up. Whatever comes off the keyboard, translating into this page are purely my own reflection and musing on how my childhood experiences and the situation, as well as condition, surrounding it has shaped who I am today.
望周知。
So.. yea. What kind of trauma from your childhood that you have brought into your adulthood? As I sat down to think and reflect on this question, really think - a lot of my 'negative traits' make sense in some way. As in, certain recurring behaviours that I have are almost seemingly traceable to my childhood experiences.
Let's set up the context.
I was born with a certain heart condition that required a lot of care and effort - mentally, physically and financially. However, my family was that of humble beginnings. Both my parents were barely educated, they came from poor family. My father came from a family with seven siblings in total while my mother came from a single parent family. During those times, surviving and supporting your family comes first before education. And before my grand entrance, there is already my sister and my brother. That said, me joining the group chat with the heart condition was rather less than ideal.
This is where my mother's aunt steps in. At that point in time, among the family clan - this aunt of my mother was considered to have married well. Her husband came from money and now that I think of it, it was probably old money back in those days. She has kids of her own, three actually. But they were pretty much almost grown up, at least they were at the age that did not require as much attention from her. I mentioned earlier that my mother came from a single-parent family - my maternal grandfather ran away when she was really young leaving behind my maternal grandmother and three young kids. This aunt was the sister to my ran away grandfather.
With everything adding up, my mother's aunt took sympathy in our situation and did the noblest thing one could ever do. She offered to adopt me into her family, with encouragement from her husband of course, raising me as their own. Covering all medical needs and expenses of raising me.
I think it must have been a huge thing in among the clan. I do not know the details of how the arrangement was agreed upon, I wish I could go back and listen to all the conversations regarding this "adoption", but the general understanding was that, my mother's aunt (from hereon referred to as Mummy) and her husband (from hereon referred to as Daddy), would raise me as their own without alienating me from my biological family.
Obviously I have no clue what happened when I was a toddler. But from family photos, it seems like both families travel quite often together. Local trips, occasionally trips to Thailand, etc. Most of the time, I believe Daddy generously covered majority of the costs. And ever since I retain memories, school holidays meant I'd be going back to my biological family home to spend time with my parents and siblings.
There is a memory that surfaced to highlight the difference between the attention my mother can give me versus Mummy can give me as a baby. I don't remember it first hand, but it was talked about often enough as I was growing up that I remember it now.
So my parents brought me back home and took me along a family trip with my father's siblings. I was pretty young and was still in diapers. I guess having to care for both my sister and brother who were still very young and also being on the road and too engrossed in the trip itself, my mother forgot to change my diaper - long enough for my sensitive bum to develop rashes. When I was brought back to Mummy and Daddy's, they were furious and my mother got an earful from them.
It used to be a story repeatedly told as a funny joke. But as I recall this piece of memory, I cannot imagine what my mother felt at that point in time.
Anyways, I grew up fully aware of the fact that I was raised by Mummy and Daddy along with three much older siblings - which technically are not my 'real family' while my 'real family' are someone else entirely, that I only go back to during school holidays or special circumstances.
As a child, your worldview is limited, as is your knowledge or ability to process things in different perspectives. It is usually very singular. As such, the rationality and practicality of the arrangement of my upbringing never registered.
How ChatGPT put it was:
Children don’t understand arrangements.
Children understand attachment.
Children understand belonging.
Children understand who comes when they cry.
Children understand who they go home with at night.
And the situation you describe contains a question that no child can fully answer:
“If these are my real parents, why am I living with someone else?”
“If Mummy and Daddy are raising me, why am I told they aren’t my real parents?”
“Where exactly do I belong?”
To be continued.